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I was first introduced to The 5 Love Languages® (by Gary Chapman) while I was doing my training at IIN. It was presented to us as a personality test that tries to explain how and why you relate to others in relationships (and not just sexual relationships).
Intrigued, I duly filled out the questions and eagerly awaited the response: “your primary love language is... physical touch”.
Now, this didn’t come as any surprise; I’ve always known I’m a very tactile and physically affectionate person (this was one of the reasons I studied Thai Yoga Massage). But somehow seeing it on paper felt validating and empowering, and made me realise just how important touch is for me.
It allowed me to understand why I sometimes felt the way I felt (such as, for example, when I had really struggled over the months when my partner and I had to be long-distance, and I felt extremely disconnected when we weren’t (physically) together). It was only after remembering that my primary love language was touch, it then made so much sense to me. It also helped me make sense of certain relationships in my life, especially after I asked my relatives and partner to also take the test, so I could then see and understand certain (in)compatibilities between us (like how my mother scored lowest on physical touch as this is not important to her, and yet it’s most important to me!).
Knowing this information was a huge step forward towards self-understanding and awareness on my journey of self-discovery and growth, and not only gave me clarity in terms of my own feelings and my relationships with others, but it also helps me moving forward, in that I can plan things around this knowledge (both the knowledge of my own language and the language of my partner). For example, knowing that my partner scored low on ‘gift giving’ means that instead of buying him a little present to thank him for all his support, I might instead plan a nice meal for us both, since we both value ‘quality time together’ more highly than gifts. And vice-versa – he can do the same for me, knowing my scores.
Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or in the initial dating phase (or single and proud!), I would highly recommend taking the quiz and also asking your partner, first date (hello, icebreaker!), or close family member(s), to take the quiz too (and share your results with each other!). Not only does it show you whether you’re compatible (and, even if you’re not compatible, having this information means you can come up with some kind of compromise or strategies), but it’s also an invaluable tool for increasing self-awareness, which is the bedrock for growth and, ultimately, fulfilment.
You can take the test here, and then come back and let us know what your primary love language is!
What do you think about personality tests? What’s your favourite one? Let me know in the comments below!
Dr Charlotte X